It’s a beautiful day out today but there is this looming cloud above my head. I know in my heart everything will be okay, but my head likes to play games with me. At a standstill but my head is racing with uncontrollable thoughts. Why can’t my heart tell my head it’s going to be okay.
Some days I just want to stay in bed. I force myself to get up and face the day. I get dressed and hope for a better day. It has to be better than yesterday. Something inside is still fighting and wants the looming cloud to go away. I keep waiting for that one thing that will break the cycle. I sure wish I knew what that was.
I hate the struggles and am tired of being strong. I’m tired of being tired. I don’t know if it will be okay because right now it feels like the end for me. Another bad event will seriously put me over the edge. I can’t handle anymore bad. I don’t feel like He is listening. I’m tired of the storm. I guess this ended up being more of a rant than I wanted but I am tired of the looming cloud. I am not destined for greatness nor even being normal. All good things must come to an end. I try writing to chase the cloud away but it always seems to come back. I just can’t take this anymore. I’m so alone in all of this.