The Journey

Random thoughts…


I haven’t really figured out where I belong in this world.  

I love the seasons. I look around and see allthe beautiful colors of autumn. Yellows, reds, oranges and browns. I reflect on all that has happened over the summer. So many nights I was ready to give up. We have moved and made changes. If I would have given up, I would have missed this beautiful season.  
I wish I knew what I want to say. When your world seems to be upside down and you are not sure where to start. 

I feel the ramblings starting.  Waiting to see the therapist is not what I consider fun. Necessary, yes, but not fun.  Some days it easy to talk about how I feel and others it is like pulling teeth to get me to talk. Why? Why is it necessary in the healing process? I don’t have the answers.  I don’t even know where I fit in at.  I started a part time job to get me out of the house. It is agony and somewhat joyful.  I’m not sure how I feel about it yet.  

I sit outside and look at the frost on the ground. It reminds me of someone with depression. Why frost? Well, we normally put on this happy face that lets people we are alright; however, that is more beneath that layer of frost. When the sun comes out, the frost begins to melt away. First where the sun hits the ground then slowly moves to the shadows. It is like that with friends of people with depression. We have a layer of (false) happiness but as we get to know them the layer begins to melt away.  They start to see the real us.  The friends are the sun. And for some of us it takes a little longer to thaw out. 

I love weather. I find it fascinating and can relate it, in some way, to being bipolar. It makes me feel like I am not alone. The seasons are upon it and while most people look forward to this time of year, people like me find it very hard to deal with. But we are coming upon my favorite season, winter. I love winter and really love the snow. It’s so peaceful, fresh and pure. I know not everyone likes the snow, but I do.  I see the beauty of it instead of the negatives.  But, don’t we do that to people?  We see the first appearance, judge, then as the dirt comes out and makes the snow look dingy and slushy, we no longer like it? We have to take the good with the bad. It just doesn’t go away over night but if you hang in there, you will see the beauty once again.  Don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on others. Hang tight and stay strong! 
Please feel free to comment. 

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