family

I Want a Home

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I know that home is where the heart is, but eventually I would like to own an actual house. My home of where the heart is, is slowly being scattered. How so? My kids are getting older and live in different states. A piece of me is all over the United States. I want to make a house a home that they can enjoy coming to. To gather together and laugh about the old times. I want a yard for the dog to run, a tree with a swing that I can push my grandchildren on and a kitchen that always has something cooking or baking. Right now it only exists in my dreams. I hope to one day make a reality.  When you have the past record I have, it is but a dim light very far away. We haven’t made the best of choices when it came to money and long-term. Instead of the grave being halfway dug, I think we overshot the 6 feet to 8 feet. Will the ladder reach out?
I wish I would have taught my kids better money sense. Now that they are growing up, I am trying to tell them to invest in the long-term so they won’t have it as hard as we do now. Sometimes I don’t regret the things we did. We have never had much money or nice things but we always has each other. We also have what a lot of other people don’t – love.  I have seen so many families have things, fancy cars, nice homes but are missing the one ingredient that holds a family together – love.
It really wasn’t until I accepted Jesus into my life that I knew what love was. Sure, I grew up with parents who loved me, but something was always missing.  I could never figure out what it was so I went looking for love in all the wrong ways.  Drugs, sex and alcohol. That was only a temporary feeling, it still left me feeling empty. Why couldn’t I find what I needed?  Then I met my husband and felt a love like I had never felt before. Then I had kids and, whoa, did that do a number on me. I never dreamed you could love another life more than your own. My husband would talk about God but I never really listened until we were at our worst point in our marriage. Somebody came knocking on my door talking about Jesus. I was really lost and looking for some answers. I accepted Jesus in my heart and things really started to change.  It took me a few years to actually get into church. Another knock at the door for a local church’s vacation bible school. I started going to church and started finding out answers. God is love and He would provide.
Many years later we were down and out. No money, no food and didn’t know what we were going to do. A friend from church came by with food that lasted until pay-day. We didn’t tell anyone, but God knew and answered our prayers.  I still get doubtful at times, but I know that God is listening and will answer prayers in His time not mine. So, I found the love I was looking for and look to God in my lowest of times. Sometimes he is quick to answer but other times it is not so quick. He works in His own way and on His own schedule.  We don’t always have what we want but He makes sure we have what we need.  I try to pass that on to my kids. I know that one day, if the Lord is willing, I will have my house to call home.
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