The Journey

A Little About the Bipolar Momster

“In the beginning God created…”  Genesis 1:1
I wasn’t sure how to start this, so my hubby suggested “God started his blog with “in the beginning” and it has lasted tbe test of time. I told him I’m not God. And his reply was “Nope, just one of his best creations.”  I guess, he is right, in a way. He made each and everyone of us.  “But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.” Luke 12:7
It made me think I am made for a purpose.

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 about 7 years ago. I don’t remember the exact day or year. You would think something as significant as that, I would remember. I don’t.  I have been bipolar a lot longer than my diagnosis. I have suffered with depression a long time and over the years developed anxiety along with it.  I have always a degree of anxiety, it wasn’t until later in life tbat it became a lot worse.  I, also, suffer from some PTSD. Not because of being in a war (or a police conflict), but because of some things that have happened to me personally. I just had no idea what bipolar was until my mom was diagnosed with it in 2005.  She was diagnosed as bipolar 1.  She had some major manic phases. A couple years later I had a major depression set in and thought I need to get checked.  I was diagnosed as being bipolar2.  I found out it was more of a relief knowing and that  there was medicine to help keep me “normal.” Not that we know what normal is, but the roller coaster ride came to a pleasant coast. I still had my ups and downs, but not to the extreme that they were.  As of recently, I have not been on medication due to having to find a new psychiatrist. They are very hard to find and accepting new patients where I currently live. That’s a story for another day. I am doing okay off the meds, but it is not the recommended choice.  You should not go off any medication without a doctor’s supervision. I had circumstances beyond my control. I am actively looking for a new doctor and face many obstacles in doing so.

I am a mother of 5 and have been a mom for 23 years. That is where the “momster” comes in.  I can’t say I have loved every minute of it, but I have loved a lot of it.  I have given birth to 4 of them and adopted 1. I have 4 boys and 1 girl (she’s the baby). They are pretty much grown now and some are still at home. My youngest graduates high school this year. Their ages are 24 to 18.  Let me give you a brief introduction to them:
Aaron, 24, adopted at 17, married to a wonderful girl, he is serving in the U.S. Army and they have 4 month old daughter (cutest thing I have seen, but then again I am biased).
Tim, 23, still at home (for now – more to come on that), works for T-Mobile and has had some scary things happened to him. He would have loved to join the military, but God has other plans.
Matt (Jr), 21, avid video gamer, still at home (I don’t think he will ever leave), works part time and is going to see if he has a chance at the military, if he can put on some weight. He had brain surgery at 8 years old and we have to gather loads of medical records and a current appointment to see if he is medically able to join. He had lots of doctors appointments at a young age and it has been questioned if he has a form of autism, but has never been tested. We will explore that later.
Logan, 20, graduated high school late, joined the U.S. Army this year (something he has always wanted to do since he was a little boy) and is beginning his own adventures.
Kirstie, 18, about to graduate high school, unsure of what she wants to do, yet, with her life, very artistic and great for making trouble for herself.

I have been married 24 years to my wonderful husband, Matt. We met in January 1992, he proposed in March 1992 and we were married in October of the same year. We have had our share of our ups and downs. Goodness knows I was the main reason for a lot of the troubled times.  Forgiveness and love, that is the key. Here we are 24 years later, still going strong.

I’m not really sure about blogging, but I thought if I can help one person, then that is something. I am writing this from a tablet, so it is a little different. I have two computers, but 2 of my kids are on them, so I am trying this tablet writing out. Right now, this is a work in progress.

So many days, I have just wanted to quit and give up on life. I would cry and plead with God.  Some days were more of a struggle than others.  I have checked myself into a pysch hospital, once, so far. (More to come on that later.) It is not easy. I can honestly say that it has been my faith in God and my husband that has helped me through the dark times. God has not given up on me because He has not taken me yet. My husband, poor thing, has been by my side every step of the way and through every breakdown. He sees me at my best and my worst.

I hope to bring you along on my journey and a look into my past. I will explore my motherhood, my struggle with a mental illness and my faith. There is never a dull moment in my family. Please take a moment to comment and any suggestions on topics is welcomed.

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4 thoughts on “A Little About the Bipolar Momster

  1. I am so touched by your words. I have to commend you on your ability to share your story. Having to go through your many trials and tribulations, your strength shows through your words. I look forward to more. I wish and pray for your continued strength and peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am proud of you for having th courage to share your story. It is a benefit to all;. For those that have the same struggles, they will be able to find comfort in knowing they are not alone, and for those that are not familiar, it allows us to learn. I have always thought you were one of the kindest people I know, genuine, and real! I love that about you!

    Liked by 1 person

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